Blast from the Past 2011-2015!

WOW! I just came across this draft of a post I never published. S was on Stage Corporal, and now he's gone on Stage Sergeant. I can't believe how much has changed, and yet how much has stayed the same. I left it unfinished for some reason, but I'm really struck by how the good habits and mentality have stuck with me and grown stronger in this journey. 

I titled this "Choisissez votre drogue avec sagesse" - Choose your drug wisely

As I started my 7am run a few days ago, still feeling tired from the cold I have been fighting, I was instantly exhilarated.  It was a beautiful day, the sun was up but it was not too hot, the wind felt great as I headed out for the first part of my 10km run. There is something about getting up early, starting the day with adrenaline instead of caffeine, forcing myself to get out of bed and feel alive and alert. I feel like I’m cheating time, getting my workout in while all the tourists sleep, while the 20-somethings are just getting home from the clubs. Inevitably, even with my playlist in my ears, it becomes my time for reflection, for processing what I will do for the day, what I want to write about next for my blog, and analyze how I have spent my week.
After I hit the dirt trail after the Premiere Chateau D’Eau, about 35 minutes into my run, I realize that I’m thinking about all the things I used to do to help me cope with all the time S and I spend apart. And as I thought about it in the context of how to write about it, it hit me. “Choose your drug carefully.” I instantly realized that the word “cope” doesn’t quite encapsulate what it means to not just survive the Legion, but to flourish and grow in spite of it. From how I see it now, sometimes you just need something to get out of bed et fais-le. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not talking about addiction, or lack of coping skills. I am looking at it in the broader sense. The reason why people here ask me why we don’t have children yet, or why I don’t go out to the clubs at night, or why je n'ai pas besoin d’aller en ville tous les jours. I think everyone has their drug. Everyone has their alcohol, or chocolate, or activity, that helps them refocus on what they want from life and what is truly important to their life. For some women, their boyfriend being in Calvi for work is like a dream come true. Night life, beaches,  and shopping are their “drugs”. And then there are those whose drug is sex (enough said J). I think lots of women here are able to rely on their children for that “fix”, as they can be constantly occupied with raising children, teaching them French (or making sure they remember their mother tongue). The first two just never really did anything for me, especially in a small military/tourist town where everything is insanely expensive and insanely small town. The children will come in due time, but not now. I have always been the type of person who has been perfectly content doing my own thing, living independently, especially knowing S is somewhere fulfilling a successful career and missing me just as much as I am missing him. However, at some point, I had to stop thinking about the lonely days, the lonelier nights, and week after week of not seeing him. Somehow a 5L box of red wine was not meeting any of those needs LOL. About three weeks ago, I decided that I was tired of running in 80 degree weather and I needed to stop sleeping in. Getting up at 6am for breakfast then running at 7am was definitely an adjustment, but now its like clockwork for me, and I tend to fall asleep with anticipation for the mornings that I can run.